mental synthesis
verbal hypothesis
physical....well,...contingencies
i had none!
he's the i on the dot
the t on the cross
my one true hopeless cause
to spin my world back
on to track
spiritual whoosis
intuitional synapsis
chemical catalysis
the hand connects to the shoulder
the shoulder to the chest
the chest to the heart
resistance is furtile
i admit i'm in a rut
attitude so spick
tongue so slick
me and him....the word is stick
coz even when the sun don't shine
that hay will be made
and..... oh yeah....rolled on too.... :-)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
JUST THOUGHTS #1
Sometimes its up, sometimes down, going right one minute and downhill the next....and if your life is not like this then you need to check yourself for a pulse. The beauty of life is that it is rarely what you expect, there are so many forces at work that are beyond your control no matter how hard you try to maintain balance (all forms of O.C.D included).
Often times when things happen to us we seek for reasons why or look for something or someone to blame...one thing I believe in my whole being is that everything happens for a reason, it doesn't have to make sense to you right at the get go but if you sit down to reflect you begin to see things a little more clearer. It helps if life has taken you through some tough times because your focus tends to be steadier. Of course everyone has the option to bitch as much as they want but eventually thats all it is plus a whole lot of wasted breath,and strenuous shaking of fists or lifting of middle fingers.
Maybe I'm just the eternal optimist I believe Life sometimes happens to you but sometimes...sometimes You can choose to happen to life. Make a memory, take a turning, reach out a helping hand, forgive, forget, let go, take deep breaths.......I believe Life sometimes happens to you but other times....You can choose to happen to life.
Much love always
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
SORDIDITY
I knew you once,
First day of Uni and I'm so nervous. My first real taste of freedom with no parents or older siblings about to look over my shoulder and monitor what-the-heck I was doing. I didn't know what to expect, it would either be good or it would suck (Dear Lord let it not suck, I'm sure I prayed a dozen times).
I knew you once,
Settling in, trying to find my classes, you appeared with your friendly face and your charm. A regular Casanova is what your demeanor screamed and my shields were already guarded against that. However, I needed help with my bearings and agree I did to let you be my guide for the day. That's how a friendship started...well, at least on my side.
I knew you once,
Several weeks later, we've slipped into a comfortable fit. Your persistence with trying to get us to be more than friends has finally worn off. I smile because I know we'll get on better as friends than anything else. I like your humor and you always save me a seat in class when I'm late.
I knew you once,
You and your friends wanted to go out to a club in the town and you invited me. I'm not so much a hell-yeah-let's-hit-the-club kinda girl but I acquiesced because I figured its what friends do sometimes; hang out.Friday evening eight p.m it was, plans made.
I knew you once,
Even though I didn't know your friends well, I had seen them around campus and for assurance I brought a girlfriend too. A girl I had become friends with recently and we stayed in the same hostel. I had my money in check in case of an emergency, I had a chaperone in check too in case we have to leave or things get too heated. Contingencies covered....errr...I guess..
I knew you once,
You gave me your jacket to keep me warm in the club where we sat. How thoughtful of you, you asked me what I would like to drink and I resolutely replied "Soda" You laughed softly and told me nobody goes out clubbing just to drink soda. You poured out a few tots for me from a Vodka bottle. I've never been a fan of Vodka so I poured in lots of soda to dilute the taste. No use getting drunk on my first night out. I imagined I might dance topless in the bar and the story would forever stick with me throughout Uni. No siree I was gonna have my faculties well put together throughout this night. The girlfriend I came with has mysteriously disappeared with a guy she met a few hours ago. I fret for a while until I spot her dancing a few meters away.
I knew you once,
I thought it was thoughtful of you to keep refreshing my drink every time I went to the ladies, and I was more relaxed because another girl had joined us and you seemed to be interested in her. I had reached my absolute limit of drinking so I kept pushing my glass around idly and boy, was I starting to feel sleepy. I looked at the time on my phone, 11.30pm!!! Why was I so drowsy, I could easily make it to 3am when I normally go out............
I knew you once,
That blue shirt with the black panther drawing at the back that you love wearing, the grunge jeans with the frayed knees that you said you've had since high school....
Oh my God.....
The grey sweater!
The black camisole!!
The black skinny jeans!!!!
My eyes popped open in a flash! All traces of sleep long pushed away, my clothes were draped on a chair along with his in the corner of his room. My underwear lying on the floor, partly hidden under his shoe. I pulled back the cream sheets that were on me only to confirm what I hoped was a bad dream, I was totally naked.
And though my mind didn't want to acknowledge it, I knew.......I knew.
I could remember nothing beyond 11.30pm, how I got there or who brought me there and how. Worst of all I knew something had been done to me and I had no idea.
I knew you once,
You looked at me and smiled when you came back to the room, said I had asked for it with my own mouth. Bulls***!! I was trembling, I was mad, I was scared, I felt so dirty...I dressed up quickly and did what made sense to me at the time, I left and went to my room and took a long hot scalding bath. I cried like I had never cried before and yet it felt like the tears would not subside. Later, I learnt that he told his friends he was taking me home because I had drunk too much, yet nobody saw me walking out, he had had to carry me out. So much for contingencies.......
I knew you once,
Now I wish I had never known you, I wish the earth would just cover you up for all the shame I've felt, all the tears I cried and most of all for taking something that was not given to you.
I've learnt that sometimes no amount of talking can make things seem better, you just have to find your own way of coping. I've learnt that its not strength that pulls you through a situation like this...its just time. With time, pain dulls, you learn how to black out what your mind doesn't want to remember, you learn that evil presents itself as good for its own intentions and its not your fault if you fall a victim to it.
I don't know.....maybe its just life.
First day of Uni and I'm so nervous. My first real taste of freedom with no parents or older siblings about to look over my shoulder and monitor what-the-heck I was doing. I didn't know what to expect, it would either be good or it would suck (Dear Lord let it not suck, I'm sure I prayed a dozen times).
I knew you once,
Settling in, trying to find my classes, you appeared with your friendly face and your charm. A regular Casanova is what your demeanor screamed and my shields were already guarded against that. However, I needed help with my bearings and agree I did to let you be my guide for the day. That's how a friendship started...well, at least on my side.
I knew you once,
Several weeks later, we've slipped into a comfortable fit. Your persistence with trying to get us to be more than friends has finally worn off. I smile because I know we'll get on better as friends than anything else. I like your humor and you always save me a seat in class when I'm late.
I knew you once,
You and your friends wanted to go out to a club in the town and you invited me. I'm not so much a hell-yeah-let's-hit-the-club kinda girl but I acquiesced because I figured its what friends do sometimes; hang out.Friday evening eight p.m it was, plans made.
I knew you once,
Even though I didn't know your friends well, I had seen them around campus and for assurance I brought a girlfriend too. A girl I had become friends with recently and we stayed in the same hostel. I had my money in check in case of an emergency, I had a chaperone in check too in case we have to leave or things get too heated. Contingencies covered....errr...I guess..
I knew you once,
You gave me your jacket to keep me warm in the club where we sat. How thoughtful of you, you asked me what I would like to drink and I resolutely replied "Soda" You laughed softly and told me nobody goes out clubbing just to drink soda. You poured out a few tots for me from a Vodka bottle. I've never been a fan of Vodka so I poured in lots of soda to dilute the taste. No use getting drunk on my first night out. I imagined I might dance topless in the bar and the story would forever stick with me throughout Uni. No siree I was gonna have my faculties well put together throughout this night. The girlfriend I came with has mysteriously disappeared with a guy she met a few hours ago. I fret for a while until I spot her dancing a few meters away.
I knew you once,
I thought it was thoughtful of you to keep refreshing my drink every time I went to the ladies, and I was more relaxed because another girl had joined us and you seemed to be interested in her. I had reached my absolute limit of drinking so I kept pushing my glass around idly and boy, was I starting to feel sleepy. I looked at the time on my phone, 11.30pm!!! Why was I so drowsy, I could easily make it to 3am when I normally go out............
I knew you once,
That blue shirt with the black panther drawing at the back that you love wearing, the grunge jeans with the frayed knees that you said you've had since high school....
Oh my God.....
The grey sweater!
The black camisole!!
The black skinny jeans!!!!
My eyes popped open in a flash! All traces of sleep long pushed away, my clothes were draped on a chair along with his in the corner of his room. My underwear lying on the floor, partly hidden under his shoe. I pulled back the cream sheets that were on me only to confirm what I hoped was a bad dream, I was totally naked.
And though my mind didn't want to acknowledge it, I knew.......I knew.
I could remember nothing beyond 11.30pm, how I got there or who brought me there and how. Worst of all I knew something had been done to me and I had no idea.
I knew you once,
You looked at me and smiled when you came back to the room, said I had asked for it with my own mouth. Bulls***!! I was trembling, I was mad, I was scared, I felt so dirty...I dressed up quickly and did what made sense to me at the time, I left and went to my room and took a long hot scalding bath. I cried like I had never cried before and yet it felt like the tears would not subside. Later, I learnt that he told his friends he was taking me home because I had drunk too much, yet nobody saw me walking out, he had had to carry me out. So much for contingencies.......
I knew you once,
Now I wish I had never known you, I wish the earth would just cover you up for all the shame I've felt, all the tears I cried and most of all for taking something that was not given to you.
I've learnt that sometimes no amount of talking can make things seem better, you just have to find your own way of coping. I've learnt that its not strength that pulls you through a situation like this...its just time. With time, pain dulls, you learn how to black out what your mind doesn't want to remember, you learn that evil presents itself as good for its own intentions and its not your fault if you fall a victim to it.
I don't know.....maybe its just life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)