In a perfect world I think I would be ill-equipped to survive because this life has just created a sense of killer(not literally) survival instincts in me. I've learnt that whatever life throws at you, you have to be brave, take a moment to re-group, suck it up and find a way to either sort it out or move on.Rantings as Facebook updates notwithstanding because we know there are people who can really whinge.
Pain, however numbing is temporary and that's another lesson in life. No matter if it is physical, mental or otherwise. I remember times when I was so heartbroken I just felt in my heart that no other pain could ever compare to this. It was gut-wrenching, deep-set, world-is-ending-soon kind of pain that I thought would just scar me for life, now, I look back and even laugh at that. Sympathy for you will be there but after sometime it becomes a redundant feeling. Even people get tired of feeling sorry for you. I remember a story I read with my sister when I was in primary about a guy called Mbakara who was lazy and would only beg for food, then one day this guy gets injured and in commiseration, bring him food daily. So here is a lazy poor guy who thinks he has just struck gold, and his darn wounds are threatening to heal up thus closing this window of opportunity. His solution: He goes out back of his house and beats himself up, adding more injuries that translate to more free food for him. But even in his case after sometime even the villagers started wondering what the deal was, kwani this guy never gets better? They got tired of being nice all the time. Same thing with life as we know it, your allowed to get hurt, drag your face on the ground if you have to, pull your hair out and scream like a banshee but finally, you are expected to be strong.
Being even slightly disadvantaged requires that you jump over flaming hoops and snake filled pits. Be first, Be stronger, Be better. Those are the best choices life gives you in order to survive in this world. Hell, they are the values with which we are raised even as kids. All parents want their kids to be exceptional, to excel in something, because the world we live in now demands that you be good in something for you to matter.
I'm not the most talented of people: But I know where I can channel my energies for maximum results. I can write, I can do a pretty mean integration equation, I can hula-hoop with the best of them... There is a thing I can do with my eyes, my friend thinks its what draws guys to me. I don't know what it is but I can do that :) I'm not the most talented of people, but I'm grateful enough just to be good at stuff! :)
I'm not the prettiest of people: I might have a generous forehead, an awkward smile, skinny legs, the distinct Bukusu nose, (chickeny)...but I'm grateful enough that nowadays I can look at myself in the mirror and not get depressed or start wishing for body changes. I accept who I am and know its a tall order to expect to go to sleep and wake up Halle Berry beautiful (but if u wanna God...) .
I'm not the richest of people: Sometimes I look at my purse and poke my fingers in every corner hoping a 100ksh note would have, through the miraculous Grace of God, folded itself if into a nano size and squeezed itself into the deepest corner of my purse awaiting the day I will be broke "Aha! She's broke! It's saving time." The times when you clean out the closet, rearrange the cushions on the sofa just hoping Central Bank declared sanctuary in my abode. Almost always I find something, which just goes to show that guardian angels are for real and are busy working hard to atleast keep my pockets un-empty. I remember someone told me that if you walk in Nairobi without money you will be arrested because it screams intent to commit something akin to ripping up commandments and stomping on them.NYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Though I'm yet to see anyone being arrested for broke-ness...hmmm.
Troubles keep you down, make you cast angry stares at every smiling face you pass on the street, have you wondering what Go-awful thing you did in your previous life to deserve it...but, they end and they leave you stronger if not even better after. Hey, don't hack it until you've really thought about it.
From me, much love AS always <3
