So today I'm thoroughly confused, I know not what to blog about...yet, I have so much in me that needs saying. *sigh* such is the life of this confused blogger. Well as for progress I got my manuscript proposal to fill for publication of my book and wouldn't you know it, turns out filling in this 3-paged form is a whole lot harder than even writing the book was.
As it turns out I've noticed my life is a lot filled with hurdles and obstacles. In almost each and every thing I try to undertake there is always that one thing that makes it a bit harder to get there. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes at this but you need to understand that I hate complications, hustles, diversions...anything that deviates from my plan. I have a need to be in control of things that go on in my life. I don't think I'm a control freak per se.....I just like to have things in certain orders.........ok so I'm a bit of a control freak.
But in life things usually tend to flow in a direction that may be altogether strange or inconveniencing and that's the hardest part to accept: that once in a while instead of you running your life, it will run you. Now here comes the magicians rabbit-in-a-hat trick.....knowing when to let life run its course and knowing when its time to jump in and take the reins. When you discover your limits and your life's path, then life becomes your playground. I cannot say much on how to achieve this because I'm still the daily toiler fighting against the forces.
Keep reaching out to hold on to that extra branch that will take you to where you need to be and hold fast, the obstacles, believe it or not, are movable and sometimes even imaginary. Hey, no one promised you a bed of roses did they?
Keep reaching.....hold fast!
Keep reaching.....hold fast!
Keep reaching.....hold fast!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Unraveling Of Me
So far in this blog I’ve been shying away from delving too deep into my emotional core. I have never really been someone who is lays open her heart for all to see and somehow that has worked well for me all these years. But as a writer i want to take a dive into the deep end and do some sharing.
Of late I’ve been having a crisis of purpose so to speak. I find myself at this point in my life where I’m not sure where the way ahead is. I can’t go back for obvious reasons and i can’t seem to focus on the path ahead or even to figure out which it is. In a not-so-cryptic way what i mean is that I’m not really sure what i want in life.
Free styling through life used to be fun, adventurous and i must admit, quite becoming. Somehow, on the way time kept overtaking me and now I’m at a place stuck with no idea how to get unstuck. I don’t really mind it but it would be nice to just wake up and know “This is what I have to do in order to get to where I want to be”. It gets truly depressing at times that i have to go within, to collect myself and my sanity alongside. It’s usually all I can do to keep from becoming undone.
What keeps me going however is the fact that i believe there is a difference between “being where you want to be” and “being where you are meant to be”. I want to be lots of things, I want to be a poet, an author, an actuary, an economist, a mathematician, an artist, a wife, a mother, a good friend, a faithful employee...the list is endless and I’m determined to propitiate karma. So help me.
So it will take me long to get to where i need to be, then so be it. I’m gonna take each day as it comes doing the things that make me happy. Stay sane and keep my options open for any opportunity. Hey, what else can a sista do?
Of late I’ve been having a crisis of purpose so to speak. I find myself at this point in my life where I’m not sure where the way ahead is. I can’t go back for obvious reasons and i can’t seem to focus on the path ahead or even to figure out which it is. In a not-so-cryptic way what i mean is that I’m not really sure what i want in life.
Free styling through life used to be fun, adventurous and i must admit, quite becoming. Somehow, on the way time kept overtaking me and now I’m at a place stuck with no idea how to get unstuck. I don’t really mind it but it would be nice to just wake up and know “This is what I have to do in order to get to where I want to be”. It gets truly depressing at times that i have to go within, to collect myself and my sanity alongside. It’s usually all I can do to keep from becoming undone.
What keeps me going however is the fact that i believe there is a difference between “being where you want to be” and “being where you are meant to be”. I want to be lots of things, I want to be a poet, an author, an actuary, an economist, a mathematician, an artist, a wife, a mother, a good friend, a faithful employee...the list is endless and I’m determined to propitiate karma. So help me.
So it will take me long to get to where i need to be, then so be it. I’m gonna take each day as it comes doing the things that make me happy. Stay sane and keep my options open for any opportunity. Hey, what else can a sista do?
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Oh No! Not Another Political Debate
Today I've been having this slowly growing political debate with one of my acquaintances. And it all stemmed from a status update on Facebook. So, my status update in short was about political leaders who take advantage of the sympathy of the masses to forward their status in life.
I feel that there are leaders who hide behind glowing manifestos and reform agendas which I'm very sure that most of those documents are written by PAs or brainstorming teams. Its so easy for someone to hide behind a cause and do things that they put as "justifying the course of justice".
Having said that I need to speak of my thoughts on Osama bin Laden. For me he is the epitome of evil hiding behind a cause. It might not necessarily represent a cause for most of the world but it is true that most Islamic nations view the US as a dictator power and are constantly on the news opposing this and that about the US of A. It used to be enough for them to just burn their flag on TV to show their anger but it took the thinking of some select few to turn it into a "cacophonous" mess of lost lives and thinking based on how much blood is shed.
My thinking is just that,MY THINKING. And Lord knows it has generated a slow building political discussion which is not really my thing but I certainly dug that hole so I must sink deep into it.
I feel that there are leaders who hide behind glowing manifestos and reform agendas which I'm very sure that most of those documents are written by PAs or brainstorming teams. Its so easy for someone to hide behind a cause and do things that they put as "justifying the course of justice".
Having said that I need to speak of my thoughts on Osama bin Laden. For me he is the epitome of evil hiding behind a cause. It might not necessarily represent a cause for most of the world but it is true that most Islamic nations view the US as a dictator power and are constantly on the news opposing this and that about the US of A. It used to be enough for them to just burn their flag on TV to show their anger but it took the thinking of some select few to turn it into a "cacophonous" mess of lost lives and thinking based on how much blood is shed.
My thinking is just that,MY THINKING. And Lord knows it has generated a slow building political discussion which is not really my thing but I certainly dug that hole so I must sink deep into it.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
To All My A-Little-Insane Friends (With Love)
Sitting down today to catch up with one of my very good friends it occurred to me how lucky I am that there exist people in this world who actually get me and my quirks. Everyone who is close to me kind of just flow into my eccentricities and boy, am I glad that such a feat is possible.
So I got to thinking, when we were younger we were stuck on this idea that someone needs to have a best friend. Just one person in this whole wide world whom you can tell EVERYTHING and who will hold your hand through it all. I guess that was all well and good then because life was still simple and your biggest problem was probably who was going to be assigned as your seatmate in class. And at that time there was always an available person who encompassed all the characters you wanted in a best friend and hooray! he/she was also on the lookout for a best friend too. So after a shared break-time snack....you "nabbed" yourself a best friend. Life complete right?
However as you grow older you soon realize that one single person just simply cannot personify ALL that you desire in a "best friend". So the easiest thing that we do is to have several close friends and this works really well because most people tend to generally have some similar interests as well as several clashing ones. For example one will have a friend whom you can confide in about your love life, those you talk to when you need spiritual advice, those who are good for fun, those who are there just for a good laugh and so on. This in its entirety I believe is the best way we have learnt to cope as adults in this world. Know the people around you, know of what use you can be to them and more significant, learn of what importance they are to you. Just be thankful for your close friends, always.
So I got to thinking, when we were younger we were stuck on this idea that someone needs to have a best friend. Just one person in this whole wide world whom you can tell EVERYTHING and who will hold your hand through it all. I guess that was all well and good then because life was still simple and your biggest problem was probably who was going to be assigned as your seatmate in class. And at that time there was always an available person who encompassed all the characters you wanted in a best friend and hooray! he/she was also on the lookout for a best friend too. So after a shared break-time snack....you "nabbed" yourself a best friend. Life complete right?
However as you grow older you soon realize that one single person just simply cannot personify ALL that you desire in a "best friend". So the easiest thing that we do is to have several close friends and this works really well because most people tend to generally have some similar interests as well as several clashing ones. For example one will have a friend whom you can confide in about your love life, those you talk to when you need spiritual advice, those who are good for fun, those who are there just for a good laugh and so on. This in its entirety I believe is the best way we have learnt to cope as adults in this world. Know the people around you, know of what use you can be to them and more significant, learn of what importance they are to you. Just be thankful for your close friends, always.
Friday, May 6, 2011
For All the Mothers
So I've walked around the wide world(via internet of course) and I return to make my usual but random post. So I've been going through this jobless phase and it seems even employers have conspired to keep me that way. Since when has it become a prerequisite for someone to pay money for a job or to give away your dignity to secure a position? If I had the guts I would name and shame the culprits for all to read. This however still remains a story for another day.
Exactly one month ago today, we rushed my sister in law to hospital and after along theater procedure a beautiful baby girl was brought into this world, albeit a few weeks too early. And we were certainly not prepared for the news we got about the baby's complications but we still took it in our stride. Through the one month of admittance my sister in law put a brave face as she nursed my niece back to health.
In this weekend as we mark Mothers' day worldwide I would just like to take the time to recognize all the mothers out there who have been there for us in ways that can never be fully thanked for, for all the prayers whispered for us under their breath and the silent driving force that enabled us to get to where we are.
There is no way that a mother can be fully appreciated but all we can do is just to let them know that we are who we are because they were who they were with us. They love, we love them back. And there is no other gift greater than this.
I love you mum.
Exactly one month ago today, we rushed my sister in law to hospital and after along theater procedure a beautiful baby girl was brought into this world, albeit a few weeks too early. And we were certainly not prepared for the news we got about the baby's complications but we still took it in our stride. Through the one month of admittance my sister in law put a brave face as she nursed my niece back to health.
In this weekend as we mark Mothers' day worldwide I would just like to take the time to recognize all the mothers out there who have been there for us in ways that can never be fully thanked for, for all the prayers whispered for us under their breath and the silent driving force that enabled us to get to where we are.
There is no way that a mother can be fully appreciated but all we can do is just to let them know that we are who we are because they were who they were with us. They love, we love them back. And there is no other gift greater than this.
I love you mum.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
BACK IN NAIROBI
Sometimes i get very much out of touch with my blog. I allow other things to take precedence and that is my undoing in more than one area. This blog has slowly become almost a memoir, on the rare occasions that i do put my fingers on the keyboard.
So what’s new is that I’m back in Nairobi and seriously looking for employment, gainful employment because there are some crazy people out there who made some really indecent suggestions of how i can strive for salaried payment. Shame on you!
It has been a small hill to climb so far, well do not get me wrong i did not expect to just get the first job i applied for (though i secretly hoped i would damn!). i still get surprised by just how the rot of corruption has filtered to almost every sector of the economy, evidence seen by the number of times I’ve been asked to “chota” for a job. It beats the purpose because I’m looking for a job so as to get money and this guy is asking me for money so that he can get me that job. ?????? There are some good people out there too, people who take time to go through my particulars and even offer suggestions and part-time jobs.
So anywho, yesterday my friend Brian let his opinion be known about what a wasteland my blog is becoming and far be it for me to be known as a bad blogger (it’s like being called an unfit mother). Therefore, Brian Van R, today’s blog is in your honour so take a bow
God bless.
So what’s new is that I’m back in Nairobi and seriously looking for employment, gainful employment because there are some crazy people out there who made some really indecent suggestions of how i can strive for salaried payment. Shame on you!
It has been a small hill to climb so far, well do not get me wrong i did not expect to just get the first job i applied for (though i secretly hoped i would damn!). i still get surprised by just how the rot of corruption has filtered to almost every sector of the economy, evidence seen by the number of times I’ve been asked to “chota” for a job. It beats the purpose because I’m looking for a job so as to get money and this guy is asking me for money so that he can get me that job. ?????? There are some good people out there too, people who take time to go through my particulars and even offer suggestions and part-time jobs.
So anywho, yesterday my friend Brian let his opinion be known about what a wasteland my blog is becoming and far be it for me to be known as a bad blogger (it’s like being called an unfit mother). Therefore, Brian Van R, today’s blog is in your honour so take a bow
God bless.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
DISCOVERY IN EACH NEW DAY
each new day seems to bring one more good thing to discover to make life just a little bit more special to us. its just a wonder sometimes to me why people choose to commit suicide.
the path to discovery doesn't even need to involve earth-changing, soul-changing, mind-blowing events. it could just be a new tune you heard, a phrase someone said in passing, a new outlook on something...the path is filled with endless and limitless possibilities.
no one ever said life was going to be a piece of cake or smooth sailing and anyway something simple is rarely fun or worthwhile. its the struggles that make us appreciate life and God more. we cannot appreciate the light if we've not seen the dark.
so when life gets you down and you feel you don't have the strength to wake up and move on just look up at a bird in the sky, listen to a soft song, give to charity...do something that will restore your faith in life because there is so much more out there that remains for you to discover. DISCOVER!!!
God bless
the path to discovery doesn't even need to involve earth-changing, soul-changing, mind-blowing events. it could just be a new tune you heard, a phrase someone said in passing, a new outlook on something...the path is filled with endless and limitless possibilities.
no one ever said life was going to be a piece of cake or smooth sailing and anyway something simple is rarely fun or worthwhile. its the struggles that make us appreciate life and God more. we cannot appreciate the light if we've not seen the dark.
so when life gets you down and you feel you don't have the strength to wake up and move on just look up at a bird in the sky, listen to a soft song, give to charity...do something that will restore your faith in life because there is so much more out there that remains for you to discover. DISCOVER!!!
God bless
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