So far in this blog I’ve been shying away from delving too deep into my emotional core. I have never really been someone who is lays open her heart for all to see and somehow that has worked well for me all these years. But as a writer i want to take a dive into the deep end and do some sharing.
Of late I’ve been having a crisis of purpose so to speak. I find myself at this point in my life where I’m not sure where the way ahead is. I can’t go back for obvious reasons and i can’t seem to focus on the path ahead or even to figure out which it is. In a not-so-cryptic way what i mean is that I’m not really sure what i want in life.
Free styling through life used to be fun, adventurous and i must admit, quite becoming. Somehow, on the way time kept overtaking me and now I’m at a place stuck with no idea how to get unstuck. I don’t really mind it but it would be nice to just wake up and know “This is what I have to do in order to get to where I want to be”. It gets truly depressing at times that i have to go within, to collect myself and my sanity alongside. It’s usually all I can do to keep from becoming undone.
What keeps me going however is the fact that i believe there is a difference between “being where you want to be” and “being where you are meant to be”. I want to be lots of things, I want to be a poet, an author, an actuary, an economist, a mathematician, an artist, a wife, a mother, a good friend, a faithful employee...the list is endless and I’m determined to propitiate karma. So help me.
So it will take me long to get to where i need to be, then so be it. I’m gonna take each day as it comes doing the things that make me happy. Stay sane and keep my options open for any opportunity. Hey, what else can a sista do?
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