Slipping isn't falling. Isn't that how the saying goes? A lot can be said about life's slips and falls and this post is just one of the many stories.
It is very possible in life to know someone but never really know them. To be privy to everything intimate down to the nooks and crannies of different parts of their beings but when it comes down to it most of what they show you are only the parts they let you see. If down the journey of your life you have not come across a sign that says "Being Fooled is in Your Near Future" This is me assuring you that it is.
Somehow this is just one of those lessons that are up there with potty training, it happens (there will probably be crying and cursing involved here), you learn and you move on onto a new level of life, a little bit wiser (we hope). The most worrying thing about it though is that it happens when you least expect it or from a place you wouldn't have guessed. Call it karma call it life...take thy pick.
Buuut this isn't a narration about despair or disappointment. On the contrary, this is a about hope and fresh chances. The underlying fact we always forget that whenever a stage or phase of life ends, there is a whole new page open up to make a difference and re-create a new chapter.
Everyone is always looking out for the proverbial "greener grass" whether in relationships, careers, business opportunities etc. There is always a belief that something out there is better than what you have. However, and this is monumental so I will write it in capital letters, IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN GRASS GREENER. And its a simple as a mind shift. The way in which you perceive your circumstances. Because frankly, you are only as happy as as you allow yourself to be. So why not just let go and let happy in?
So your relationship is not going as you anticipated, the guy/girl you are dating is not keeping up with your expectations. You want to go into town, he/she is dressed for the village, you want to be monogamous, he/she is opening branches faster than Equity Bank, You want to take it to the next step, he/she wants to tone things down....the list is as endless as there are different characters in the world. So how do you take charge of this? Simply put is to constantly find your happiness, if something is getting you down and bogging down that progress that you need then let it go. Life is too short to waste it in relationships that are not going anywhere. You deserve happy. And indeed most times we are in search of that perfect someone and we forget to literally take a step back and look at ourselves and wonder if we are fitting for someone else first. Its worth looking into that sometimes the problem is not only the world but also your perception of it and how it ought to be.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Friday, January 19, 2018
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
THE FOUR STAGES OF MY HANKERINGS
Stage One: The Purchase
*Walk to the display shelf*
*Pick out awesomely delicious snack*
My Mind : Take two, One for now, another for later. It's a long evening/morning/day
Me : Alright
*Pick two packets of snacks*
Hope the cashier thinks there are two kids I'm buying snacks for
Stage Two : The gormandizing of the snack
*Rip packet open*
*Sit comfortably*
*Unapologetically finish snack in seconds*
My Mind : Eat, there's another one left after all.
Me : Alright
*Settle down to watch a movie/work/study*
*Bliss*
Stage Three : The Bargain (Approximately five minutes later)
My Mind : Remember the taste of that snack we had five minutes ago?
Me : Yes
My Mind : It was so good. So good.
Me: *Silently trying to ignore*
My Mind : Let's eat the other snack now
Me : That's for later
My Mind : It is later already. Let's just eat it and forget about it completely.
Me : Ok
Stage Four : Nibbling on last snack
*Literally eating bit by bit*
*Unconsciously counting remaining snacks as I eat*
*Sighing as the packet becomes more evidently empty*
My Mind : *Scoffing* You should have bought three
Me : Why am I like this?
Thursday, March 9, 2017
AFTER A WHILE
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…
Veronica A. Shoffstall
Friday, January 22, 2016
A QUESTIONABLE STEP INTO UNCERTAINTY?
I wrote this very raw piece at my most tense moments, it is far from perfect but I think I might have lost my will to write (not just write but write well) somewhere along this past year. I hope 2016 will bring it back.
There is no clear and concise way to describe heartbreak except to equate it to situations I think.
Heartbreak is seeing someone you love in pain and knowing there is little you can do about it. Just try and keep them comfortable or distracted with mindless stories that matter little at that time.
Heartbreak is standing in that hospital room and wondering why the doctors cannot fix the hurt. why all the visits there are not yielding results.
Heartbreak is being outside and looking up and praying to God to reach down and touch someone's brokenness.
Heartbreak is watching someone you love trying to be strong so that you do not worry. The forced smile....
Heartbreak is willing yourself to stay awake all night to provide company and comfort to your loved one. Being there in case of any need or call.
Heartbreak is hearing him laugh in the morning, a slight relief. Can we breathe now, God?
Heartbreak is stepping away for a few minutes and discovering that the whole world can change in those countable seconds.
Heartbreak is looking into your brother's face as he tries to tell you that the other brother you left laughing is now no more...
Heartbreak is those exact nine steps it takes you to get to where he lies.....covered in a blue sheet you spent the night spreading over him to keep him warm....
Heartbreak is the warmth you still feel in someone even after they have crossed over to another world.
Heartbreak is having so many whys and not a single because....it is that sinking feeling that is intermittent but very final...
It is those body and mind numbing hours when nothing makes sense and everything feels unreal. You can almost laugh because it feels like a joke.
But the ever present lump in your throat is there to remind you that it is not.
It's not ok, it might never be ok
But
It's life. Unchangeable.
Friday, March 13, 2015
VANITY
There's a post I came across when I was on Facebook, it said " Feeling good about yourself? Ask a child to draw a picture of you". As in kids are so astute and open minded they will draw your big nose if you do indeed have a big nose. To them its not about hurting your feelings its just about drawing what they see.
Now there is another group of people who are just as expressive but they are not children. Anyone who has taken a walk on River Road has met these women. The ones who stand by the road and narrow in on whatever insecurity or flaw or blemish u might have and offer you a quick solution for it.
Are you conscious about a pimple that just sprung up that morning? AVOID that street, u will think your whole face has become the Andes ranges.
Feeling low about your skin tone, take a different route, the sympathetic looks they give you when they point it out is enough to make you feel like a walking mosaic. It is the ultimate Walk of Insecurity.
I have been having a very cranky couple of days, can't figure out why but I have been tenser than cords. Yesterday, I got out of work and crossing Waiyaki Way to the bus stop was a test of patience, cars were bypassing nonstop, eventually after a few minutes I managed to get across and not without a few extra panicked heartbeats. When I had been across the road, matatus were practically packed on top of each other in a passenger picking frenzy, as I got across to the stop....nope, you guessed wrong, there was NONE. Finally, when one came, the makanga demanded for a whole FIFTY bob, now its not that I am stingy but being conned is an option. I waited. Seven 50bob matatus later, one for 30bob came hah! There is a God.
There was certainly a price to pay for that. The makanga loudly and proudly announced "Mwisho!"about three stops away from where I wanted. So there was leg work to do, before I realised it, I found myself on the street. There they were, posing on either end of the street calling out loudly to any poor soul with bad skin and low self esteem. Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow ....
What was my plan?
Do not make eye contact.
I walked stiffly in a straight line which wasn't too hard to do because the streets were so packed. I hoped my expression showed a mixture of I-don't-want-nonsense and I-can't-buy-I'm-broke. I went by the first shop, no comment. I approached the second one which had two ladies holding a plastic face cream container...no comment...and so it went on till the end of the street, I was so surprised that at first it didn't even register in my mind to be pleased.Aiii, how?
Well, I can tell you there was no reflective surface that escaped my image. I had to look at myself over and over again to behold the face that had literally passed through the lion's den and not only survived but convinced them to form a Simba Knitting Club. Yes, such was the feat.
Well, Maybe I'm just vain. :-)
Now there is another group of people who are just as expressive but they are not children. Anyone who has taken a walk on River Road has met these women. The ones who stand by the road and narrow in on whatever insecurity or flaw or blemish u might have and offer you a quick solution for it.
Are you conscious about a pimple that just sprung up that morning? AVOID that street, u will think your whole face has become the Andes ranges.
Feeling low about your skin tone, take a different route, the sympathetic looks they give you when they point it out is enough to make you feel like a walking mosaic. It is the ultimate Walk of Insecurity.
I have been having a very cranky couple of days, can't figure out why but I have been tenser than cords. Yesterday, I got out of work and crossing Waiyaki Way to the bus stop was a test of patience, cars were bypassing nonstop, eventually after a few minutes I managed to get across and not without a few extra panicked heartbeats. When I had been across the road, matatus were practically packed on top of each other in a passenger picking frenzy, as I got across to the stop....nope, you guessed wrong, there was NONE. Finally, when one came, the makanga demanded for a whole FIFTY bob, now its not that I am stingy but being conned is an option. I waited. Seven 50bob matatus later, one for 30bob came hah! There is a God.
There was certainly a price to pay for that. The makanga loudly and proudly announced "Mwisho!"about three stops away from where I wanted. So there was leg work to do, before I realised it, I found myself on the street. There they were, posing on either end of the street calling out loudly to any poor soul with bad skin and low self esteem. Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow ....
What was my plan?
Do not make eye contact.
I walked stiffly in a straight line which wasn't too hard to do because the streets were so packed. I hoped my expression showed a mixture of I-don't-want-nonsense and I-can't-buy-I'm-broke. I went by the first shop, no comment. I approached the second one which had two ladies holding a plastic face cream container...no comment...and so it went on till the end of the street, I was so surprised that at first it didn't even register in my mind to be pleased.Aiii, how?
Well, I can tell you there was no reflective surface that escaped my image. I had to look at myself over and over again to behold the face that had literally passed through the lion's den and not only survived but convinced them to form a Simba Knitting Club. Yes, such was the feat.
Well, Maybe I'm just vain. :-)
Friday, June 6, 2014
ONE OF THE -ISMS THAT INSPIRE ME
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
AFFIRMATIONS
Today I will do something out of the ordinary for me and share song lyrics. This is a song by The Calling, it speaks to me in so many ways, I cannot even tell it all. If you get time listen to it, if you don't, here come the lyrics :)
THE CALLING - BELIEVING
I'm one man to make a difference
I'm one soul all persistence
In a dark word, just trying to make things right
Choices we weren't given
Any heroes, and our decision
Is to stand up and fight for ourselves
[Chorus:]
To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
But I know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me
Woke up bent and broken
Just to find that fate has spoken
All I call out I call out for change
For every moment that remains
For every sinking stone to find its place
Long before they're washed away
[Chorus]
We've been giving in to wrong
We've been waiting for too long
And we've been broken to pieces one by one
We're gonna know
We're gonna know
When the moment comes
[Chorus]
THE CALLING - BELIEVING
I'm one man to make a difference
I'm one soul all persistence
In a dark word, just trying to make things right
Choices we weren't given
Any heroes, and our decision
Is to stand up and fight for ourselves
[Chorus:]
To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
But I know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me
Woke up bent and broken
Just to find that fate has spoken
All I call out I call out for change
For every moment that remains
For every sinking stone to find its place
Long before they're washed away
[Chorus]
We've been giving in to wrong
We've been waiting for too long
And we've been broken to pieces one by one
We're gonna know
We're gonna know
When the moment comes
[Chorus]
RESOLUTE......i hope.....
The writer in me is a sham. Not because she lacks things to write but because she lacks the fortitude to un-procrastinate. Shameful...but very true.
So where did we leave off last time...
The world persists in spinning on its axis as it has always..but so much has changed in the world and continues to do so in every second of every minute that passes... 1, A baby was born just then, 2, someone lost the struggle for their life just then, 3, a job has been found, 4, a song is being sang, 5, a memory is recalled 6, a discovery is being made...
Just as soon as you blink, a million things have happened around you. The awareness we feel is limited only to what affects us directly. So what makes the mind so tuned only to the regular patterns? The conscious mind filters everything that goes through it, filters all five senses and that is how we differentiate between what is true and what isn't.
The problem now with a writer like me who doesn't restrict herself to specific topics, then there are far too many to write about. Sometimes I wake up with an idea so pressing its like a burning bush in my brain, thirty minutes down the line, all that remains are smoulders of a faintly recalled fire. Sigh
My resolution in this 2014 is to blog at the very least once in three weeks. So help me God.
Love Always,
Monday, May 6, 2013
DISTRACTIONS
Writing is to me a form of letting loose on "paper". There is so much that happens in my life that I cannot speak out, or put to any logical understanding from my heart. Its a creation faux pas if you will or maybe just an upbringing one.
This post is very raw, I'm not going to bother to redo the language or flower the phrases, I'm just putting down thoughts as they come to me. April. Its been a stressful and a somewhat very defined month. One thing after another without room to breath, very many times I felt I needed that room where people go to and scream their lungs out. Yes, I really need that place.
But most of all I just needed that place that people go to that is just for them. A safe shelter with a soft landing and all the chocolate and wine I can put down. Lord knows I really needed that place. I felt sandpaper-ed with no visible shine appearing. I do not know if I am any smoother.
A lesson in life: You don't always get what you give and people don't always give what they say they will either. Hard lesson learnt.
However..(wasn't going to sign off without a footnote of course)...there are very odd times when rays of light will pierce through the darkness, as still as dawn breaking..those odd times when it is impossible to do any activity without a smile...odd times... :)
But I'm still me, heart still big, mind still strong, my writing still vaguely alive. Hehe
Thursday, April 4, 2013
JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS ONE GAL GOES THRU
This is one of those feel-good days for me, Its the days when you know there is plenty you could be fussing about but you just choose not to. Took a while for me to learn this skill. I say skill because if I called it Art I'm afraid I would be taking liberties with the language.
Nothing is fazing me today, not even that black chicken that crossed my path today morning. I refuse to Google and find out what kind of an omen a black chicken crossing your path symbolizes. Albeit it was very determined to....nah, nothing will faze me today.
It is just one of those days
Not even my suspicious colleagues asking why I'm eating groundnuts early in the morning. Making me feel like I had just pulled out a bag of coke and was snorting it. By the way they turned out to be the worst groundnuts I had ever tasted but because I had metaphorically given the finger to their suggestive claims, I will slowly soldier on down to the last nut... Note to self: Must Learn To Swallow Pride.
Today is just one of those days
Not even the rude makanga in the morning matatu could ruin the mood. Lord only knows what crept up his pants because he was voicing opinions that were not needed, commenting on each and every conversation he overheard...clearly someone raised him up with the impression that rude interjections make great conversations. ..
Not even the falling trajectory my favourite black underwear took as it slipped from the clothes line of my fifth floor balcony straight into the open door of the apartment two floors down. I had the quickest brainstorming session in my head and decided to follow it down. Nay, it was not a walk of shame...more like a determined no-man-left-behind kind of walk. It just had to be done...when you love something that means going the extra mile. I'm not sure whether the guy who came to the door was just amused or he thought it was a not-so-subtle come hither message. Did his expression pique my curiosity? It did. Did it really matter? Not in the least bit. I said thanks and went on my way..today is just one of those days :)
I'm humming a tune I don't know
I'm smiling to people I've never met
Skipping over puddles of water on the road
Its just...one of those days
One Love.
Nothing is fazing me today, not even that black chicken that crossed my path today morning. I refuse to Google and find out what kind of an omen a black chicken crossing your path symbolizes. Albeit it was very determined to....nah, nothing will faze me today.
It is just one of those days
Not even my suspicious colleagues asking why I'm eating groundnuts early in the morning. Making me feel like I had just pulled out a bag of coke and was snorting it. By the way they turned out to be the worst groundnuts I had ever tasted but because I had metaphorically given the finger to their suggestive claims, I will slowly soldier on down to the last nut... Note to self: Must Learn To Swallow Pride.
Today is just one of those days
Not even the rude makanga in the morning matatu could ruin the mood. Lord only knows what crept up his pants because he was voicing opinions that were not needed, commenting on each and every conversation he overheard...clearly someone raised him up with the impression that rude interjections make great conversations. ..
Not even the falling trajectory my favourite black underwear took as it slipped from the clothes line of my fifth floor balcony straight into the open door of the apartment two floors down. I had the quickest brainstorming session in my head and decided to follow it down. Nay, it was not a walk of shame...more like a determined no-man-left-behind kind of walk. It just had to be done...when you love something that means going the extra mile. I'm not sure whether the guy who came to the door was just amused or he thought it was a not-so-subtle come hither message. Did his expression pique my curiosity? It did. Did it really matter? Not in the least bit. I said thanks and went on my way..today is just one of those days :)
I'm humming a tune I don't know
I'm smiling to people I've never met
Skipping over puddles of water on the road
Its just...one of those days
One Love.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
IT IS WROTE
mental synthesis
verbal hypothesis
physical....well,...contingencies
i had none!
he's the i on the dot
the t on the cross
my one true hopeless cause
to spin my world back
on to track
spiritual whoosis
intuitional synapsis
chemical catalysis
the hand connects to the shoulder
the shoulder to the chest
the chest to the heart
resistance is furtile
i admit i'm in a rut
attitude so spick
tongue so slick
me and him....the word is stick
coz even when the sun don't shine
that hay will be made
and..... oh yeah....rolled on too.... :-)
verbal hypothesis
physical....well,...contingencies
i had none!
he's the i on the dot
the t on the cross
my one true hopeless cause
to spin my world back
on to track
spiritual whoosis
intuitional synapsis
chemical catalysis
the hand connects to the shoulder
the shoulder to the chest
the chest to the heart
resistance is furtile
i admit i'm in a rut
attitude so spick
tongue so slick
me and him....the word is stick
coz even when the sun don't shine
that hay will be made
and..... oh yeah....rolled on too.... :-)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
JUST THOUGHTS #1
Sometimes its up, sometimes down, going right one minute and downhill the next....and if your life is not like this then you need to check yourself for a pulse. The beauty of life is that it is rarely what you expect, there are so many forces at work that are beyond your control no matter how hard you try to maintain balance (all forms of O.C.D included).
Often times when things happen to us we seek for reasons why or look for something or someone to blame...one thing I believe in my whole being is that everything happens for a reason, it doesn't have to make sense to you right at the get go but if you sit down to reflect you begin to see things a little more clearer. It helps if life has taken you through some tough times because your focus tends to be steadier. Of course everyone has the option to bitch as much as they want but eventually thats all it is plus a whole lot of wasted breath,and strenuous shaking of fists or lifting of middle fingers.
Maybe I'm just the eternal optimist I believe Life sometimes happens to you but sometimes...sometimes You can choose to happen to life. Make a memory, take a turning, reach out a helping hand, forgive, forget, let go, take deep breaths.......I believe Life sometimes happens to you but other times....You can choose to happen to life.
Much love always
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
SORDIDITY
I knew you once,
First day of Uni and I'm so nervous. My first real taste of freedom with no parents or older siblings about to look over my shoulder and monitor what-the-heck I was doing. I didn't know what to expect, it would either be good or it would suck (Dear Lord let it not suck, I'm sure I prayed a dozen times).
I knew you once,
Settling in, trying to find my classes, you appeared with your friendly face and your charm. A regular Casanova is what your demeanor screamed and my shields were already guarded against that. However, I needed help with my bearings and agree I did to let you be my guide for the day. That's how a friendship started...well, at least on my side.
I knew you once,
Several weeks later, we've slipped into a comfortable fit. Your persistence with trying to get us to be more than friends has finally worn off. I smile because I know we'll get on better as friends than anything else. I like your humor and you always save me a seat in class when I'm late.
I knew you once,
You and your friends wanted to go out to a club in the town and you invited me. I'm not so much a hell-yeah-let's-hit-the-club kinda girl but I acquiesced because I figured its what friends do sometimes; hang out.Friday evening eight p.m it was, plans made.
I knew you once,
Even though I didn't know your friends well, I had seen them around campus and for assurance I brought a girlfriend too. A girl I had become friends with recently and we stayed in the same hostel. I had my money in check in case of an emergency, I had a chaperone in check too in case we have to leave or things get too heated. Contingencies covered....errr...I guess..
I knew you once,
You gave me your jacket to keep me warm in the club where we sat. How thoughtful of you, you asked me what I would like to drink and I resolutely replied "Soda" You laughed softly and told me nobody goes out clubbing just to drink soda. You poured out a few tots for me from a Vodka bottle. I've never been a fan of Vodka so I poured in lots of soda to dilute the taste. No use getting drunk on my first night out. I imagined I might dance topless in the bar and the story would forever stick with me throughout Uni. No siree I was gonna have my faculties well put together throughout this night. The girlfriend I came with has mysteriously disappeared with a guy she met a few hours ago. I fret for a while until I spot her dancing a few meters away.
I knew you once,
I thought it was thoughtful of you to keep refreshing my drink every time I went to the ladies, and I was more relaxed because another girl had joined us and you seemed to be interested in her. I had reached my absolute limit of drinking so I kept pushing my glass around idly and boy, was I starting to feel sleepy. I looked at the time on my phone, 11.30pm!!! Why was I so drowsy, I could easily make it to 3am when I normally go out............
I knew you once,
That blue shirt with the black panther drawing at the back that you love wearing, the grunge jeans with the frayed knees that you said you've had since high school....
Oh my God.....
The grey sweater!
The black camisole!!
The black skinny jeans!!!!
My eyes popped open in a flash! All traces of sleep long pushed away, my clothes were draped on a chair along with his in the corner of his room. My underwear lying on the floor, partly hidden under his shoe. I pulled back the cream sheets that were on me only to confirm what I hoped was a bad dream, I was totally naked.
And though my mind didn't want to acknowledge it, I knew.......I knew.
I could remember nothing beyond 11.30pm, how I got there or who brought me there and how. Worst of all I knew something had been done to me and I had no idea.
I knew you once,
You looked at me and smiled when you came back to the room, said I had asked for it with my own mouth. Bulls***!! I was trembling, I was mad, I was scared, I felt so dirty...I dressed up quickly and did what made sense to me at the time, I left and went to my room and took a long hot scalding bath. I cried like I had never cried before and yet it felt like the tears would not subside. Later, I learnt that he told his friends he was taking me home because I had drunk too much, yet nobody saw me walking out, he had had to carry me out. So much for contingencies.......
I knew you once,
Now I wish I had never known you, I wish the earth would just cover you up for all the shame I've felt, all the tears I cried and most of all for taking something that was not given to you.
I've learnt that sometimes no amount of talking can make things seem better, you just have to find your own way of coping. I've learnt that its not strength that pulls you through a situation like this...its just time. With time, pain dulls, you learn how to black out what your mind doesn't want to remember, you learn that evil presents itself as good for its own intentions and its not your fault if you fall a victim to it.
I don't know.....maybe its just life.
First day of Uni and I'm so nervous. My first real taste of freedom with no parents or older siblings about to look over my shoulder and monitor what-the-heck I was doing. I didn't know what to expect, it would either be good or it would suck (Dear Lord let it not suck, I'm sure I prayed a dozen times).
I knew you once,
Settling in, trying to find my classes, you appeared with your friendly face and your charm. A regular Casanova is what your demeanor screamed and my shields were already guarded against that. However, I needed help with my bearings and agree I did to let you be my guide for the day. That's how a friendship started...well, at least on my side.
I knew you once,
Several weeks later, we've slipped into a comfortable fit. Your persistence with trying to get us to be more than friends has finally worn off. I smile because I know we'll get on better as friends than anything else. I like your humor and you always save me a seat in class when I'm late.
I knew you once,
You and your friends wanted to go out to a club in the town and you invited me. I'm not so much a hell-yeah-let's-hit-the-club kinda girl but I acquiesced because I figured its what friends do sometimes; hang out.Friday evening eight p.m it was, plans made.
I knew you once,
Even though I didn't know your friends well, I had seen them around campus and for assurance I brought a girlfriend too. A girl I had become friends with recently and we stayed in the same hostel. I had my money in check in case of an emergency, I had a chaperone in check too in case we have to leave or things get too heated. Contingencies covered....errr...I guess..
I knew you once,
You gave me your jacket to keep me warm in the club where we sat. How thoughtful of you, you asked me what I would like to drink and I resolutely replied "Soda" You laughed softly and told me nobody goes out clubbing just to drink soda. You poured out a few tots for me from a Vodka bottle. I've never been a fan of Vodka so I poured in lots of soda to dilute the taste. No use getting drunk on my first night out. I imagined I might dance topless in the bar and the story would forever stick with me throughout Uni. No siree I was gonna have my faculties well put together throughout this night. The girlfriend I came with has mysteriously disappeared with a guy she met a few hours ago. I fret for a while until I spot her dancing a few meters away.
I knew you once,
I thought it was thoughtful of you to keep refreshing my drink every time I went to the ladies, and I was more relaxed because another girl had joined us and you seemed to be interested in her. I had reached my absolute limit of drinking so I kept pushing my glass around idly and boy, was I starting to feel sleepy. I looked at the time on my phone, 11.30pm!!! Why was I so drowsy, I could easily make it to 3am when I normally go out............
I knew you once,
That blue shirt with the black panther drawing at the back that you love wearing, the grunge jeans with the frayed knees that you said you've had since high school....
Oh my God.....
The grey sweater!
The black camisole!!
The black skinny jeans!!!!
My eyes popped open in a flash! All traces of sleep long pushed away, my clothes were draped on a chair along with his in the corner of his room. My underwear lying on the floor, partly hidden under his shoe. I pulled back the cream sheets that were on me only to confirm what I hoped was a bad dream, I was totally naked.
And though my mind didn't want to acknowledge it, I knew.......I knew.
I could remember nothing beyond 11.30pm, how I got there or who brought me there and how. Worst of all I knew something had been done to me and I had no idea.
I knew you once,
You looked at me and smiled when you came back to the room, said I had asked for it with my own mouth. Bulls***!! I was trembling, I was mad, I was scared, I felt so dirty...I dressed up quickly and did what made sense to me at the time, I left and went to my room and took a long hot scalding bath. I cried like I had never cried before and yet it felt like the tears would not subside. Later, I learnt that he told his friends he was taking me home because I had drunk too much, yet nobody saw me walking out, he had had to carry me out. So much for contingencies.......
I knew you once,
Now I wish I had never known you, I wish the earth would just cover you up for all the shame I've felt, all the tears I cried and most of all for taking something that was not given to you.
I've learnt that sometimes no amount of talking can make things seem better, you just have to find your own way of coping. I've learnt that its not strength that pulls you through a situation like this...its just time. With time, pain dulls, you learn how to black out what your mind doesn't want to remember, you learn that evil presents itself as good for its own intentions and its not your fault if you fall a victim to it.
I don't know.....maybe its just life.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Derangement
Writing is to me a form of letting loose on "paper". There is so much that happens in my life that I cannot speak out, or put to any logical understanding from my heart. Its a creation faux pas if you will or maybe just an upbringing one.
This post is very raw, I'm not going to bother to redo the language or flower the phrases, I'm just putting down thoughts as they come to me. Its been a stressful month. One thing after another without room to breath, very many times I felt I needed that room where people go to and scream their lungs out. Yes, I really need that place.
But most of all I just need that place that people go to that is just for them. A safe shelter with a soft landing and all the chocolate and wine I can put down. Lord knows I really need that place. I feel sandpaper-ed with no visible shine appearing. I'm no smoother, probably even worse right now.
A lesson in life: You don't always get what you give and people don't always give what they say they will either. Hard lesson learnt. But I'm still me, heart still big, mind still strong, my writing still alive.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Stoicity
In a perfect world I think I would be ill-equipped to survive because this life has just created a sense of killer(not literally) survival instincts in me. I've learnt that whatever life throws at you, you have to be brave, take a moment to re-group, suck it up and find a way to either sort it out or move on.Rantings as Facebook updates notwithstanding because we know there are people who can really whinge.
Pain, however numbing is temporary and that's another lesson in life. No matter if it is physical, mental or otherwise. I remember times when I was so heartbroken I just felt in my heart that no other pain could ever compare to this. It was gut-wrenching, deep-set, world-is-ending-soon kind of pain that I thought would just scar me for life, now, I look back and even laugh at that. Sympathy for you will be there but after sometime it becomes a redundant feeling. Even people get tired of feeling sorry for you. I remember a story I read with my sister when I was in primary about a guy called Mbakara who was lazy and would only beg for food, then one day this guy gets injured and in commiseration, bring him food daily. So here is a lazy poor guy who thinks he has just struck gold, and his darn wounds are threatening to heal up thus closing this window of opportunity. His solution: He goes out back of his house and beats himself up, adding more injuries that translate to more free food for him. But even in his case after sometime even the villagers started wondering what the deal was, kwani this guy never gets better? They got tired of being nice all the time. Same thing with life as we know it, your allowed to get hurt, drag your face on the ground if you have to, pull your hair out and scream like a banshee but finally, you are expected to be strong.
Being even slightly disadvantaged requires that you jump over flaming hoops and snake filled pits. Be first, Be stronger, Be better. Those are the best choices life gives you in order to survive in this world. Hell, they are the values with which we are raised even as kids. All parents want their kids to be exceptional, to excel in something, because the world we live in now demands that you be good in something for you to matter.
I'm not the most talented of people: But I know where I can channel my energies for maximum results. I can write, I can do a pretty mean integration equation, I can hula-hoop with the best of them... There is a thing I can do with my eyes, my friend thinks its what draws guys to me. I don't know what it is but I can do that :) I'm not the most talented of people, but I'm grateful enough just to be good at stuff! :)
I'm not the prettiest of people: I might have a generous forehead, an awkward smile, skinny legs, the distinct Bukusu nose, (chickeny)...but I'm grateful enough that nowadays I can look at myself in the mirror and not get depressed or start wishing for body changes. I accept who I am and know its a tall order to expect to go to sleep and wake up Halle Berry beautiful (but if u wanna God...) .
I'm not the richest of people: Sometimes I look at my purse and poke my fingers in every corner hoping a 100ksh note would have, through the miraculous Grace of God, folded itself if into a nano size and squeezed itself into the deepest corner of my purse awaiting the day I will be broke "Aha! She's broke! It's saving time." The times when you clean out the closet, rearrange the cushions on the sofa just hoping Central Bank declared sanctuary in my abode. Almost always I find something, which just goes to show that guardian angels are for real and are busy working hard to atleast keep my pockets un-empty. I remember someone told me that if you walk in Nairobi without money you will be arrested because it screams intent to commit something akin to ripping up commandments and stomping on them.NYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Though I'm yet to see anyone being arrested for broke-ness...hmmm.
Troubles keep you down, make you cast angry stares at every smiling face you pass on the street, have you wondering what Go-awful thing you did in your previous life to deserve it...but, they end and they leave you stronger if not even better after. Hey, don't hack it until you've really thought about it. From me, much love AS always <3
Pain, however numbing is temporary and that's another lesson in life. No matter if it is physical, mental or otherwise. I remember times when I was so heartbroken I just felt in my heart that no other pain could ever compare to this. It was gut-wrenching, deep-set, world-is-ending-soon kind of pain that I thought would just scar me for life, now, I look back and even laugh at that. Sympathy for you will be there but after sometime it becomes a redundant feeling. Even people get tired of feeling sorry for you. I remember a story I read with my sister when I was in primary about a guy called Mbakara who was lazy and would only beg for food, then one day this guy gets injured and in commiseration, bring him food daily. So here is a lazy poor guy who thinks he has just struck gold, and his darn wounds are threatening to heal up thus closing this window of opportunity. His solution: He goes out back of his house and beats himself up, adding more injuries that translate to more free food for him. But even in his case after sometime even the villagers started wondering what the deal was, kwani this guy never gets better? They got tired of being nice all the time. Same thing with life as we know it, your allowed to get hurt, drag your face on the ground if you have to, pull your hair out and scream like a banshee but finally, you are expected to be strong.
Being even slightly disadvantaged requires that you jump over flaming hoops and snake filled pits. Be first, Be stronger, Be better. Those are the best choices life gives you in order to survive in this world. Hell, they are the values with which we are raised even as kids. All parents want their kids to be exceptional, to excel in something, because the world we live in now demands that you be good in something for you to matter.
I'm not the most talented of people: But I know where I can channel my energies for maximum results. I can write, I can do a pretty mean integration equation, I can hula-hoop with the best of them... There is a thing I can do with my eyes, my friend thinks its what draws guys to me. I don't know what it is but I can do that :) I'm not the most talented of people, but I'm grateful enough just to be good at stuff! :)
I'm not the prettiest of people: I might have a generous forehead, an awkward smile, skinny legs, the distinct Bukusu nose, (chickeny)...but I'm grateful enough that nowadays I can look at myself in the mirror and not get depressed or start wishing for body changes. I accept who I am and know its a tall order to expect to go to sleep and wake up Halle Berry beautiful (but if u wanna God...) .
I'm not the richest of people: Sometimes I look at my purse and poke my fingers in every corner hoping a 100ksh note would have, through the miraculous Grace of God, folded itself if into a nano size and squeezed itself into the deepest corner of my purse awaiting the day I will be broke "Aha! She's broke! It's saving time." The times when you clean out the closet, rearrange the cushions on the sofa just hoping Central Bank declared sanctuary in my abode. Almost always I find something, which just goes to show that guardian angels are for real and are busy working hard to atleast keep my pockets un-empty. I remember someone told me that if you walk in Nairobi without money you will be arrested because it screams intent to commit something akin to ripping up commandments and stomping on them.NYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Though I'm yet to see anyone being arrested for broke-ness...hmmm.
Troubles keep you down, make you cast angry stares at every smiling face you pass on the street, have you wondering what Go-awful thing you did in your previous life to deserve it...but, they end and they leave you stronger if not even better after. Hey, don't hack it until you've really thought about it. From me, much love AS always <3
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Eve: The Unmasking
Today I've toiled on about what I was gonna blog about, even started a whole new abrasive blog title that would have ruffled more than one set of feathers. So for the sake of peace to reign, at least a while longer I will blog about something totally different.
We live in an almost total patriarchal society and we (by we i mean the Eves of this world) are taught to accept it as it is. Recently there has been some sort of rumble from us but its still remains to not be enough.
Affirmative action: this word is totally misunderstood and misused in its context. So i will give my two cents worth of what it means to me. It doesn't mean we want to necessarily compete at par with the Adams but we would just like a head start for once. And its a pity the way the guys so readily put down this affirmative action story and turn around and justify their boorishness by claiming we wanted to be equal.washidwe!!!
Give me a metro-sexual man who will still open doors for me and stand in front of me if trouble is approaching and I will show you a submissive woman. This is the one key thing guys do not grasp, treat your lady right and you will never have reason to complain.
By now I know there are more than a few people just itching to jump at what I've said so i will go ahead to clarify some more. guys, all the nagging, all the fits of anger are not always because there is some hormonal fight going on within us. #justsoyouknow. Try and do something nice for once when your whole being is screaming to fight back or just listen to her and see how big a difference that makes.
To be continued.........
We live in an almost total patriarchal society and we (by we i mean the Eves of this world) are taught to accept it as it is. Recently there has been some sort of rumble from us but its still remains to not be enough.
Affirmative action: this word is totally misunderstood and misused in its context. So i will give my two cents worth of what it means to me. It doesn't mean we want to necessarily compete at par with the Adams but we would just like a head start for once. And its a pity the way the guys so readily put down this affirmative action story and turn around and justify their boorishness by claiming we wanted to be equal.washidwe!!!
Give me a metro-sexual man who will still open doors for me and stand in front of me if trouble is approaching and I will show you a submissive woman. This is the one key thing guys do not grasp, treat your lady right and you will never have reason to complain.
By now I know there are more than a few people just itching to jump at what I've said so i will go ahead to clarify some more. guys, all the nagging, all the fits of anger are not always because there is some hormonal fight going on within us. #justsoyouknow. Try and do something nice for once when your whole being is screaming to fight back or just listen to her and see how big a difference that makes.
To be continued.........
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Blue Wednesday
Its spent a long time coming, this post. Not that I didn't have stories to write about but a lot has been happening in my life and it has sort of taken me by whirlwind. Some good, some bad but most awesome so I guess I got a good deal.
What I want to touch base about today however is on a sad note and I hope you will all bear with me on this one. A close friend of mine just lost his mother to cancer. Just that one statement says a lot. Honestly sometimes something hits you so hard you just have no way of even letting it out. Just as I got to work today I found out through Facebook that another of my friends passed away in his sleep yesterday. Wednesday the 18th of April seemed determined to push me into sadness.
So far its around 1:26pm and I think I'm getting by on robot mode. I had breakfast when I came into work and I had lunch too but I have to search my memory to really remember what I actually had. I look at people around me and wonder how life can just go on without a small tear in its regularity. Today would have certainly been a good day for those ugly morning showers so they can match my feelings.I'm not a heathen but some days I confess that I have a hard time understanding why things have to be the way they are.
Rest in Peace. May God grant you a special place in the heavens. <3
What I want to touch base about today however is on a sad note and I hope you will all bear with me on this one. A close friend of mine just lost his mother to cancer. Just that one statement says a lot. Honestly sometimes something hits you so hard you just have no way of even letting it out. Just as I got to work today I found out through Facebook that another of my friends passed away in his sleep yesterday. Wednesday the 18th of April seemed determined to push me into sadness.
So far its around 1:26pm and I think I'm getting by on robot mode. I had breakfast when I came into work and I had lunch too but I have to search my memory to really remember what I actually had. I look at people around me and wonder how life can just go on without a small tear in its regularity. Today would have certainly been a good day for those ugly morning showers so they can match my feelings.I'm not a heathen but some days I confess that I have a hard time understanding why things have to be the way they are.
Rest in Peace. May God grant you a special place in the heavens. <3
Friday, February 10, 2012
A Teenage Horror
A friend told me to be blogging every Friday so I'm making a special effort too...though technically its around 1.30 am on Saturday...potato,potayto..
My niece is becoming a teenager. She's twelve going on Hollywood. Today's kids are a scary lot, they have strange music to listen to, they don't play outside as much as we did, they are so technologically savvy at an early age. My five year old niece told my sister-in-law that she wants an ipad for her birthday and I wouldn't be surprised if she actually knew how to use it...
When songs come on television I feel like I'm being bombarded by the noise of monkeys hitting on cans. The songs don't make sense and the dressing or lack thereof is particularly alarming. My niece wants to be just like Rihanna. So I asked her what exactly she liked in Rihanna. She says she wants to be pretty and famous.......No there is nothing else more profound if you are waiting for it. I don't know about the rest of you but that scares me. She spends hours with her friends poring over magazines with the latest fashion (which to me consists of wearing either your en year old sister's clothes or pre-shrinking them then squeezing your mass into it)
I have become a really suspiscious person because of it. I toy with the idea of reading pages of her diary or listening in on her conversations with her friends...ok so I'm a bit neurotic but anyone with a teenager in the house would identify. They mature so fast now, whenever she is in her home wear a few eyes will loook at her a bit longer than I'm comfortable with (or so it seems to me) so I think I will make a T-shirt that says "I'm 12" "I'm not legal yet" "Feel like some jailtime?" "chemical castration is a reality" :) sigh...wouldn't that be nice...
God bless
My niece is becoming a teenager. She's twelve going on Hollywood. Today's kids are a scary lot, they have strange music to listen to, they don't play outside as much as we did, they are so technologically savvy at an early age. My five year old niece told my sister-in-law that she wants an ipad for her birthday and I wouldn't be surprised if she actually knew how to use it...
When songs come on television I feel like I'm being bombarded by the noise of monkeys hitting on cans. The songs don't make sense and the dressing or lack thereof is particularly alarming. My niece wants to be just like Rihanna. So I asked her what exactly she liked in Rihanna. She says she wants to be pretty and famous.......No there is nothing else more profound if you are waiting for it. I don't know about the rest of you but that scares me. She spends hours with her friends poring over magazines with the latest fashion (which to me consists of wearing either your en year old sister's clothes or pre-shrinking them then squeezing your mass into it)
I have become a really suspiscious person because of it. I toy with the idea of reading pages of her diary or listening in on her conversations with her friends...ok so I'm a bit neurotic but anyone with a teenager in the house would identify. They mature so fast now, whenever she is in her home wear a few eyes will loook at her a bit longer than I'm comfortable with (or so it seems to me) so I think I will make a T-shirt that says "I'm 12" "I'm not legal yet" "Feel like some jailtime?" "chemical castration is a reality" :) sigh...wouldn't that be nice...
God bless
Thursday, January 19, 2012
IT AINT EASY
I make no apologies for who I am because it took me time to get to where I am today and the journey was not always rosy, not always fun. I still have a very long way to go but I'm still proud of the far I've come.
With help and without.
It's not easy being a human being: You've been given the gift of life and you have to make the most of the opportunity. Humanity is hard to grasp and the fact that you are there with billions of other people that you have to live and cope with make it that much more complicated. They say everybody is unique in their ways and interactions which means one needs to be equipped to deal with different personalities throughout one's life. Your three close friends, your twenty something workmates, your fifty something neighbors, your one hundred and something relatives...challenge much? And Lord knows there will be those people you will just not understand. The ones you talk to or come across that you just want to grab like a teapot and shake the bejesus out of them...or slap both sides of their faces..or just..... (ok you get the idea I guess). Its just not possible to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try. Be pious, be bad, be smart, be kind....there will always be someone who thinks you exist way below worms on the food chain. So just be yourself.
It's not easy being a daughter: Here you are born into a loving family and as you grow you realise there are certain things expected of you that they may not necessarily tell you. My parents were pushers, they always thought of the enormous potential I had in my 5"5 52kg body :) My first ever exam in primary school I was number one, yes they were happy but they left room just to make sure it wasn't a fluke of fate, come 2nd tern and 3rd term and the results were the same...aaahhh there was no going back from there. I had already set a precedence for myself. Late nights reading, extra tuition, 10 kg bags full of books on my back...the works..I had no excuse and I hope I didn't disappoint. All that's left now...maybe delivery of cattle hehe
It's not easy being a sister: In my family I'm a sister to five and the last born too. Growing up there have been fights, laughs, tears, insults, inspiration....just about every human emotion imaginable. Being a sister for me involved a whole lot of things and the most memorable ones were covering up for my brothers and sister when they went partying or took out the car without my dad's permission. In return, my brothers terrorised every Kamau, Onyango, Wafula who came to the gate and dared to ask for me :)I have a very wild band of siblings so someone had to be the totally good one in the house. It wasn't much fun but it sure did have its perks...blackmail (buahahaha *cough cough* hahaha *evil laughter)
This post could be much longer than this but I like to give tasty vibe in morsels. I will live to write another day even on that chariot (or whichever means of transport we will be taking to the pearly gates) *shug*
God bless
With help and without.
It's not easy being a human being: You've been given the gift of life and you have to make the most of the opportunity. Humanity is hard to grasp and the fact that you are there with billions of other people that you have to live and cope with make it that much more complicated. They say everybody is unique in their ways and interactions which means one needs to be equipped to deal with different personalities throughout one's life. Your three close friends, your twenty something workmates, your fifty something neighbors, your one hundred and something relatives...challenge much? And Lord knows there will be those people you will just not understand. The ones you talk to or come across that you just want to grab like a teapot and shake the bejesus out of them...or slap both sides of their faces..or just..... (ok you get the idea I guess). Its just not possible to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try. Be pious, be bad, be smart, be kind....there will always be someone who thinks you exist way below worms on the food chain. So just be yourself.
It's not easy being a daughter: Here you are born into a loving family and as you grow you realise there are certain things expected of you that they may not necessarily tell you. My parents were pushers, they always thought of the enormous potential I had in my 5"5 52kg body :) My first ever exam in primary school I was number one, yes they were happy but they left room just to make sure it wasn't a fluke of fate, come 2nd tern and 3rd term and the results were the same...aaahhh there was no going back from there. I had already set a precedence for myself. Late nights reading, extra tuition, 10 kg bags full of books on my back...the works..I had no excuse and I hope I didn't disappoint. All that's left now...maybe delivery of cattle hehe
It's not easy being a sister: In my family I'm a sister to five and the last born too. Growing up there have been fights, laughs, tears, insults, inspiration....just about every human emotion imaginable. Being a sister for me involved a whole lot of things and the most memorable ones were covering up for my brothers and sister when they went partying or took out the car without my dad's permission. In return, my brothers terrorised every Kamau, Onyango, Wafula who came to the gate and dared to ask for me :)I have a very wild band of siblings so someone had to be the totally good one in the house. It wasn't much fun but it sure did have its perks...blackmail (buahahaha *cough cough* hahaha *evil laughter)
This post could be much longer than this but I like to give tasty vibe in morsels. I will live to write another day even on that chariot (or whichever means of transport we will be taking to the pearly gates) *shug*
God bless
Sunday, January 8, 2012
I LOVE MY CHICKEN BODY
I love my chicken body! Bet I got your attention with that one. :)
I recently read this book written by a couple of women who embrace their perceived inequities so I though I would do the same.
I LOVE my chicken body but shhh... don't say it out too loud lest it becomes my definition. I have those kinds of physiques that resemble a chicken: small head, big on the back and skinny legs that make you wonder if they provide much support. It sometimes makes me wonder what kind of criteria my genes used when they were sorting themselves out to create form.
My small head, a bit tricky to work with especially because I can't exactly pull off all the hairstyles on the salon poster. I love short hair, but then again I get scared of the unseen corners that might be lurking under there so I dare not. And I think my father knows this too because when I told him I had been toying with the idea of cutting my hair he flat out told me that I would look like ET's mentally challenged sister (ok ok he didn't say THAT...exactly) he just said that I should not find my way back home if I got rid of my hair. Frankly, I think he was just apprehensive that I might not be a quite a big catch after and hence deplete his future dowry cow stock :)
Big on the back..true heritage of a Luhya woman. Can be a bit of a burden sometimes. True story, especially when you wear totally flat shoes that place weight on your heels you tend to feel like you've wrapped a small sack of flour around your bum area. It reminds me of the Baganda who are famous for their booty gyrating dances and traditional outfits called Gomes. They elaborately place towels and pieces of blankets to enhance the size of the posterior. So who am I to complain? :)
Finally my oh so skinny legs. Sometimes i envy those women with fat legs because they look like they have so much character (the legs not the person). But I got to thinking, my legs DO have their own character. Just like me, a bit awkward, a bit offish but fitting. That's me.
I'm embracing me, chicken body and all. Figure 8's are overrated. And who wants to look like you've been pinched in the middle anyway.
Love yourself
Love your inequities and your offish qualities
You'll live better for it
Guaranteed.
Much love,
Chickeny :)
I recently read this book written by a couple of women who embrace their perceived inequities so I though I would do the same.
I LOVE my chicken body but shhh... don't say it out too loud lest it becomes my definition. I have those kinds of physiques that resemble a chicken: small head, big on the back and skinny legs that make you wonder if they provide much support. It sometimes makes me wonder what kind of criteria my genes used when they were sorting themselves out to create form.
My small head, a bit tricky to work with especially because I can't exactly pull off all the hairstyles on the salon poster. I love short hair, but then again I get scared of the unseen corners that might be lurking under there so I dare not. And I think my father knows this too because when I told him I had been toying with the idea of cutting my hair he flat out told me that I would look like ET's mentally challenged sister (ok ok he didn't say THAT...exactly) he just said that I should not find my way back home if I got rid of my hair. Frankly, I think he was just apprehensive that I might not be a quite a big catch after and hence deplete his future dowry cow stock :)
Big on the back..true heritage of a Luhya woman. Can be a bit of a burden sometimes. True story, especially when you wear totally flat shoes that place weight on your heels you tend to feel like you've wrapped a small sack of flour around your bum area. It reminds me of the Baganda who are famous for their booty gyrating dances and traditional outfits called Gomes. They elaborately place towels and pieces of blankets to enhance the size of the posterior. So who am I to complain? :)
Finally my oh so skinny legs. Sometimes i envy those women with fat legs because they look like they have so much character (the legs not the person). But I got to thinking, my legs DO have their own character. Just like me, a bit awkward, a bit offish but fitting. That's me.
I'm embracing me, chicken body and all. Figure 8's are overrated. And who wants to look like you've been pinched in the middle anyway.
Love yourself
Love your inequities and your offish qualities
You'll live better for it
Guaranteed.
Much love,
Chickeny :)
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