I wrote this very raw piece at my most tense moments, it is far from perfect but I think I might have lost my will to write (not just write but write well) somewhere along this past year. I hope 2016 will bring it back.
There is no clear and concise way to describe heartbreak except to equate it to situations I think.
Heartbreak is seeing someone you love in pain and knowing there is little you can do about it. Just try and keep them comfortable or distracted with mindless stories that matter little at that time.
Heartbreak is standing in that hospital room and wondering why the doctors cannot fix the hurt. why all the visits there are not yielding results.
Heartbreak is being outside and looking up and praying to God to reach down and touch someone's brokenness.
Heartbreak is watching someone you love trying to be strong so that you do not worry. The forced smile....
Heartbreak is willing yourself to stay awake all night to provide company and comfort to your loved one. Being there in case of any need or call.
Heartbreak is hearing him laugh in the morning, a slight relief. Can we breathe now, God?
Heartbreak is stepping away for a few minutes and discovering that the whole world can change in those countable seconds.
Heartbreak is looking into your brother's face as he tries to tell you that the other brother you left laughing is now no more...
Heartbreak is those exact nine steps it takes you to get to where he lies.....covered in a blue sheet you spent the night spreading over him to keep him warm....
Heartbreak is the warmth you still feel in someone even after they have crossed over to another world.
Heartbreak is having so many whys and not a single because....it is that sinking feeling that is intermittent but very final...
It is those body and mind numbing hours when nothing makes sense and everything feels unreal. You can almost laugh because it feels like a joke.
But the ever present lump in your throat is there to remind you that it is not.
It's not ok, it might never be ok
But
It's life. Unchangeable.
Heartbreak it is when you replay the whole event and seeing all other options you had and would have opted for but just overlooked only for you to realize its game shot.. Good piece.
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