Stoicity

In a perfect world I think I would be ill-equipped to survive because this life has just created a sense of killer(not literally) survival instincts in me. I've learnt that whatever life throws at you, you have to be brave, take a moment to re-group, suck it up and find a way to either sort it out or move on.Rantings as Facebook updates notwithstanding because we know there are people who can really whinge.
Pain, however numbing is temporary and that's another lesson in life. No matter if it is physical, mental or otherwise. I remember times when I was so heartbroken I just felt in my heart that no other pain could ever compare to this. It was gut-wrenching, deep-set, world-is-ending-soon kind of pain that I thought would just scar me for life, now, I look back and even laugh at that. Sympathy for you will be there but after sometime it becomes a redundant feeling. Even people get tired of feeling sorry for you. I remember a story I read with my sister when I was in primary about a guy called Mbakara who was lazy and would only beg for food, then one day this guy gets injured and in commiseration, bring him food daily. So here is a lazy poor guy who thinks he has just struck gold, and his darn wounds are threatening to heal up thus closing this window of opportunity. His solution: He goes out back of his house and beats himself up, adding more injuries that translate to more free food for him. But even in his case after sometime even the villagers started wondering what the deal was, kwani this guy never gets better? They got tired of being nice all the time. Same thing with life as we know it, your allowed to get hurt, drag your face on the ground if you have to, pull your hair out and scream like a banshee but finally, you are expected to be strong.
Being even slightly disadvantaged requires that you jump over flaming hoops and snake filled pits. Be first, Be stronger, Be better. Those are the best choices life gives you in order to survive in this world. Hell, they are the values with which we are raised even as kids. All parents want their kids to be exceptional, to excel in something, because the world we live in now demands that you be good in something for you to matter.
I'm not the most talented of people: But I know where I can channel my energies for maximum results. I can write, I can do a pretty mean integration equation, I can hula-hoop with the best of them... There is a thing I can do with my eyes, my friend thinks its what draws guys to me. I don't know what it is but I can do that :) I'm not the most talented of people, but I'm grateful enough just to be good at stuff! :)
I'm not the prettiest of people: I might have a generous forehead, an awkward smile, skinny legs, the distinct Bukusu nose, (chickeny)...but I'm grateful enough that nowadays I can look at myself in the mirror and not get depressed or start wishing for body changes. I accept who I am and know its a tall order to expect to go to sleep and wake up Halle Berry beautiful (but if u wanna God...) .
I'm not the richest of people: Sometimes I look at my purse and poke my fingers in every corner hoping a 100ksh note would have, through the miraculous Grace of God, folded itself if into a nano size and squeezed itself into the deepest corner of my purse awaiting the day I will be broke "Aha! She's broke! It's saving time." The times when you clean out the closet, rearrange the cushions on the sofa just hoping Central Bank declared sanctuary in my abode. Almost always I find something, which just goes to show that guardian angels are for real and are busy working hard to atleast keep my pockets un-empty. I remember someone told me that if you walk in Nairobi without money you will be arrested because it screams intent to commit something akin to ripping up commandments and stomping on them.NYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Though I'm yet to see anyone being arrested for broke-ness...hmmm.
Troubles keep you down, make you cast angry stares at every smiling face you pass on the street, have you wondering what Go-awful thing you did in your previous life to deserve it...but, they end and they leave you stronger if not even better after. Hey, don't hack it until you've really thought about it. From me, much love AS always <3

Eve: The Unmasking

Today I've toiled on about what I was gonna blog about, even started a whole new abrasive blog title that would have ruffled more than one set of feathers. So for the sake of peace to reign, at least a while longer I will blog about something totally different.

We live in an almost total patriarchal society and we (by we i mean the Eves of this world) are taught to accept it as it is. Recently there has been some sort of rumble from us but its still remains to not be enough.

Affirmative action: this word is totally misunderstood and misused in its context. So i will give my two cents worth of what it means to me. It doesn't mean we want to necessarily compete at par with the Adams but we would just like a head start for once. And its a pity the way the guys so readily put down this affirmative action story and turn around and justify their boorishness by claiming we wanted to be equal.washidwe!!!

Give me a metro-sexual man who will still open doors for me and stand in front of me if trouble is approaching and I will show you a submissive woman. This is the one key thing guys do not grasp, treat your lady right and you will never have reason to complain.

By now I know there are more than a few people just itching to jump at what I've said so i will go ahead to clarify some more. guys, all the nagging, all the fits of anger are not always because there is some hormonal fight going on within us. #justsoyouknow. Try and do something nice for once when your whole being is screaming to fight back or just listen to her and see how big a difference that makes.

To be continued.........

Blue Wednesday

Its spent a long time coming, this post. Not that I didn't have stories to write about but a lot has been happening in my life and it has sort of taken me by whirlwind. Some good, some bad but most awesome so I guess I got a good deal.

What I want to touch base about today however is on a sad note and I hope you will all bear with me on this one. A close friend of mine just lost his mother to cancer. Just that one statement says a lot. Honestly sometimes something hits you so hard you just have no way of even letting it out. Just as I got to work today I found out through Facebook that another of my friends passed away in his sleep yesterday. Wednesday the 18th of April seemed determined to push me into sadness.

So far its around 1:26pm and I think I'm getting by on robot mode. I had breakfast when I came into work and I had lunch too but I have to search my memory to really remember what I actually had. I look at people around me and wonder how life can just go on without a small tear in its regularity. Today would have certainly been a good day for those ugly morning showers so they can match my feelings.I'm not a heathen but some days I confess that I have a hard time understanding why things have to be the way they are.

Rest in Peace. May God grant you a special place in the heavens. <3

A Teenage Horror

A friend told me to be blogging every Friday so I'm making a special effort too...though technically its around 1.30 am on Saturday...potato,potayto..

My niece is becoming a teenager. She's twelve going on Hollywood. Today's kids are a scary lot, they have strange music to listen to, they don't play outside as much as we did, they are so technologically savvy at an early age. My five year old niece told my sister-in-law that she wants an ipad for her birthday and I wouldn't be surprised if she actually knew how to use it...
When songs come on television I feel like I'm being bombarded by the noise of monkeys hitting on cans. The songs don't make sense and the dressing or lack thereof is particularly alarming. My niece wants to be just like Rihanna. So I asked her what exactly she liked in Rihanna. She says she wants to be pretty and famous.......No there is nothing else more profound if you are waiting for it. I don't know about the rest of you but that scares me. She spends hours with her friends poring over magazines with the latest fashion (which to me consists of wearing either your en year old sister's clothes or pre-shrinking them then squeezing your mass into it)

I have become a really suspiscious person because of it. I toy with the idea of reading pages of her diary or listening in on her conversations with her friends...ok so I'm a bit neurotic but anyone with a teenager in the house would identify. They mature so fast now, whenever she is in her home wear a few eyes will loook at her a bit longer than I'm comfortable with (or so it seems to me) so I think I will make a T-shirt that says "I'm 12" "I'm not legal yet" "Feel like some jailtime?" "chemical castration is a reality" :) sigh...wouldn't that be nice...

God bless

IT AINT EASY

I make no apologies for who I am because it took me time to get to where I am today and the journey was not always rosy, not always fun. I still have a very long way to go but I'm still proud of the far I've come.
With help and without.

It's not easy being a human being: You've been given the gift of life and you have to make the most of the opportunity. Humanity is hard to grasp and the fact that you are there with billions of other people that you have to live and cope with make it that much more complicated. They say everybody is unique in their ways and interactions which means one needs to be equipped to deal with different personalities throughout one's life. Your three close friends, your twenty something workmates, your fifty something neighbors, your one hundred and something relatives...challenge much? And Lord knows there will be those people you will just not understand. The ones you talk to or come across that you just want to grab like a teapot and shake the bejesus out of them...or slap both sides of their faces..or just..... (ok you get the idea I guess). Its just not possible to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try. Be pious, be bad, be smart, be kind....there will always be someone who thinks you exist way below worms on the food chain. So just be yourself.

It's not easy being a daughter: Here you are born into a loving family and as you grow you realise there are certain things expected of you that they may not necessarily tell you. My parents were pushers, they always thought of the enormous potential I had in my 5"5 52kg body :) My first ever exam in primary school I was number one, yes they were happy but they left room just to make sure it wasn't a fluke of fate, come 2nd tern and 3rd term and the results were the same...aaahhh there was no going back from there. I had already set a precedence for myself. Late nights reading, extra tuition, 10 kg bags full of books on my back...the works..I had no excuse and I hope I didn't disappoint. All that's left now...maybe delivery of cattle hehe

It's not easy being a sister: In my family I'm a sister to five and the last born too. Growing up there have been fights, laughs, tears, insults, inspiration....just about every human emotion imaginable. Being a sister for me involved a whole lot of things and the most memorable ones were covering up for my brothers and sister when they went partying or took out the car without my dad's permission. In return, my brothers terrorised every Kamau, Onyango, Wafula who came to the gate and dared to ask for me :)I have a very wild band of siblings so someone had to be the totally good one in the house. It wasn't much fun but it sure did have its perks...blackmail (buahahaha *cough cough* hahaha *evil laughter)

This post could be much longer than this but I like to give tasty vibe in morsels. I will live to write another day even on that chariot (or whichever means of transport we will be taking to the pearly gates) *shug*

God bless

I LOVE MY CHICKEN BODY

I love my chicken body! Bet I got your attention with that one. :)

I recently read this book written by a couple of women who embrace their perceived inequities so I though I would do the same.

I LOVE my chicken body but shhh... don't say it out too loud lest it becomes my definition. I have those kinds of physiques that resemble a chicken: small head, big on the back and skinny legs that make you wonder if they provide much support. It sometimes makes me wonder what kind of criteria my genes used when they were sorting themselves out to create form.

My small head, a bit tricky to work with especially because I can't exactly pull off all the hairstyles on the salon poster. I love short hair, but then again I get scared of the unseen corners that might be lurking under there so I dare not. And I think my father knows this too because when I told him I had been toying with the idea of cutting my hair he flat out told me that I would look like ET's mentally challenged sister (ok ok he didn't say THAT...exactly) he just said that I should not find my way back home if I got rid of my hair. Frankly, I think he was just apprehensive that I might not be a quite a big catch after and hence deplete his future dowry cow stock :)

Big on the back..true heritage of a Luhya woman. Can be a bit of a burden sometimes. True story, especially when you wear totally flat shoes that place weight on your heels you tend to feel like you've wrapped a small sack of flour around your bum area. It reminds me of the Baganda who are famous for their booty gyrating dances and traditional outfits called Gomes. They elaborately place towels and pieces of blankets to enhance the size of the posterior. So who am I to complain? :)

Finally my oh so skinny legs. Sometimes i envy those women with fat legs because they look like they have so much character (the legs not the person). But I got to thinking, my legs DO have their own character. Just like me, a bit awkward, a bit offish but fitting. That's me.

I'm embracing me, chicken body and all. Figure 8's are overrated. And who wants to look like you've been pinched in the middle anyway.

Love yourself
Love your inequities and your offish qualities
You'll live better for it
Guaranteed.

Much love,
Chickeny :)

WHEN MY FACE MET BARRY

I had to end the new year with a bang so this past Saturday I took my girlfriend Adi and went to get a Marilyn Monroe piercing at Barry's Piercings in Westlands.

The anxiety was so apparent from the morning when i stepped out of bed and my brain recalled that I was due to get an extra hole on my face that day. I can barely remember much of what transpired during most of the day so will get right down to business and describe the "deed".

Its always important when going through life to surround yourself with friends who can help you get through the hard, tough and just-wanna-pull-out-your-hair days. Those friends who will bail you out when you get into sh**, hold your hair up when you puke after a night of drink binging,......well, you get my drift. My friend Adi is not that type. She is in-your-face, tell-you-when-you're-wrong, take-you-comfort-eating...basically all the good stuff :) When you're going to get your appendix pulled out...take your mother. When you're going for a fight...take Adi!! :)

I digress, so off we went to get the piercing. It wasn't the huge needle so much that freaked me out, or the smell of antiseptic reminding me of a hospital ward, it's the fact that Barry wasn't nearly as pierced as I thought he would be. I kinda expected a professional piercer to be passionate about his work so much so as to be a walking billboard of his art. I can gross you out and go into details about the clamp holding my lip, or the long thick needle that was so sharp it penetrated layers of skin in seconds, or the huge amount of blood that gushed out and was stopped just as fast. But I won't....hehehehe.

Apart from the numbness and the feeling of having a stud through my upper lip, i was doing pretty good. Went for Wamathai December and even went for drinks after. The swollen face the next day caused a panic. I had vivid visions of my face turning green and possibly decaying...yish...so i quickly searched for the Barry's number on the receipt only to come across a line that said
"Do not consume alcohol during the healing process" Sh**!!!!!!

In the past few days I've gone through a myriad of emotions and conspiracy theories about piercings, sleeping with a pocket mirror under my pillow so I can periodically wake up to check if my face has swallowed the stud, late night Google searches for aftercare of lip piercings and symptoms of infections...in short according to Google i was going to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Its been almost a week since I jumped off the sane cliff and I'm just still on free fall but according to Barry I'm gonna fall on a soft cushy surface real soon, no need to worry :)
Oh...if only it were that easy, Barry. If only.